Why Did You Do That?
I wanted to share a valuable resource with you. Jena and I have been reading a terrific book on parenting because we want to be better at it. The book is called, "Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family" by Paul David Tripp. He does a wonderful Job at getting to the heart of parenting and the heart of our children. Paul has a chapter on false gods that reminded me of the sermon I gave back in March dealing with Idols of the Heart.
We must remember that we are all worshippers; believers and unbelievers alike are always worshipping someone or something.
The question is what or whom are we worshipping? That same question goes for our children as well. How many times a day do we ask our kids the question “Why did you do that?” “Why did you ___________” fill in the blank. If we really want to see change in our lives and the lives of our children, we need to learn to ask good questions to draw out what’s going on in the heart.
Here are some good questions to ask when conflict comes.
- What was going on? Try and draw them out.
- What were you thinking and feeling when it was happening? Try to get at the thoughts and intents of their heart.
- What did you do in response? Biblical or not biblical.
- Why did you do it? What are you seeking to accomplish? This gets at their desires.
- What was the result? Good time to teach the concept Reaping and sowing.
The next time you hear the kids fighting upstairs, instead of just yelling “stop screaming and share,” we need to put our phones down, get up off the couch, and climb up the stairs for the hundredth time and ask these questions. We need to learn to examine our own hearts so we can learn how to spot Idols in our lives, and the lives of our children. A good definition for an idol is anything or anyone that begins to capture our hearts, minds, and affections more than God. Idolatry is false worship. If there is anything that I am willing to sin to get or willing to sin if I don’t get it, it’s an idol. When our children are yelling, screaming, and hitting each other to get what they want, we need to address the idols in their heart and point them to the Savior.
Another good way to find idols in our lives is to pay attention to where we run to find comfort, refuge, and safety. Do we run straight to our Heavenly Father or do we turn to other things? We really need to pay attention to this, so we can weed out these idols and love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.
Remember, you are an Ambassador for the God of all creation, and an Ambassador is to faithfully represent the message, methods, and character of the leader who has sent him.
He is not free to think, speak, or act independently. Everything he does, every decision he makes, and every interaction he has must be shaped by this one question: “
"What is the will and plan of the one who has sent me?”
You are the primary tool that God desires to use to help your children to change. If we are going to be successful at this, we need to change first. We need His transforming grace to be at work in us so that we can be faithful to represent Him well. I hope this helps you. I would love to support you in the area of parenting. Please do not hesitate to contact me.
Walking alongside you as we wait for Him,